I Want to Die! and I Want YOU to Die Too!

Yea, you read it right the first time. I want to Die! And I really want you to Die too. I do, Honestly. I will tell you why.

I was checking my Yahoo mail yesterday where I saw an interesting article: Toward Immortality.

Basically, Scientists determined, by studying aging at a molecular level, that the Life Expectancy of Humans, currently at about age 72, should be able to extend beyond 140 years. That's nearly a Doubled Lifespan! (Yea, I took 2 years of College Math.) Some even believe we may be able to live forever.

Now, these Scientists/ Geneologists/ Nerds have thought of numerous reasons why living forever is just the greatest discovery... like more quality time with family, world travel, reduced healthcare costs, increased workplace productivity, etc.

But all that comes to my mind are a slew of reasons why I think it would SUCK! Here's a few:

1. There will be WAAAAAAAAY too many people alive on this planet at once. I already can't afford the 58 X-mas Presents I have to buy every year for my family. (yes, I'm Latina) If there were 8-10 Generations of us alive, I'd go broke.

2. Could you imagine 140 Candles on a B-day cake? Or little Nana trying to blow them out? A Firefighter's Nightmare would be just trying to light them.

3. It already takes 45 minutes for the Delivery man to deliver my pizza. I'm not waiting any longer.

4. Do you have any idea how much $moolah$ Viagra would make? Do we really want 140 year old men walking around with chubbies?

5. Which leads to another problem. The Jerry Springer show would gain even more popularity. More family members to screw. "I can't believe she slept with my Great- Great- Great- Great- Great- Great- Great- Grandpa!"

6. My inheritance is small enough; I'm not splitting it 37 ways.

7. TRAFFIC! Do you have any idea what the Garden State Parkway looks like at 5:30 in the afternoon? What about when DOUBLE the people are on it?

8. When you go to an 80 year old's funeral, everyone will be sitting around crying... "Oh, he was so young... such a shame!"

9. And... just in general, more and more cranky old people alive still complaining.

10. And... they all have Drivers Licenses.

11. If you are mad that your Children haven't moved out yet, wait until they are 60 and deciding to finally "settle down" and start their own family.

12. Even a "McJob" would take 5 interviews to get because of all the applicants.

13. Between Wrinkles and Old People shrinking, eventually we will all look like wrinkly puppies.

It's not pretty! so YES, I want to Die and I want you to Die too! Living till I'm 85 or so is just cool with me.

So, what are your thoughts? Post 'em, Pro/Con, it Doesn't Matter!

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